Mentor: Who? What? Where? When? How?

Or is it, "A mentor? Huh?"

Recently, I went to an event featuring two phenomenal women who were posed with the question, "Who was your mentor?" I could not tell you who they said because what I took from it was them both stating that they have had several mentors over the years. Plus, even at the point in their lives, they still have mentors. 

This got me thinking about who was a mentor in my life and who is my current mentor. I began to realize with most of my mentors, I did not realize they were my mentor at the time. I am still not sure if that is a good or bad thing, but no need to dwell on it. It is more important to focus on what I did learn from them, how they helped me with my school, career and life, and what I can still learn and take from the time I did spend with them. 

Needless to say, when planning the first Wine, Women & Conversation gathering, I knew, "What do you look for in a mentor?" had to be in the Bucket of Wonderment and lucky for me someone randomly picked it!

However, I found myself a little surprised by the others responses. When I think of a mentor, I am thinking guidance, support and strength. They took it a step further:

• Not easy-going
• More boss like than me
• Assertive about she/he defining her/himself as a mentor
• Develops concrete action steps

With that said and at least for myself, those might be some of the reasons I did not realize someone was a mentor until after the fact. Should a mentor/mentee relationship be formalized? Or can it be informal? What makes for the best, most successful relationship?

What are your thoughts? What do you look for in a mentor?

The First Conversation

On Tuesday, April 12, I brought together a group of women from different aspects of my life. This was something I wanted to do for awhile now. I finally did it and so happy I did! There were appetizers, mini-cupcakes, the Bucket of Wonderment, six phenomenal women, and wine, of course. The evening was filled with conversation, openness, heart-wrenching and lots of laughter. 


The evening began with one posing the question, "What is your passion...your cause?" Even with seven different women, each of our causes overlapped with one another. They included youth employment skills, education and violence, equity and education, environment and women/children and its long-term affects, and women/girls and poverty. However, another answered with, "Is what I am doing helping anyone?" This led us back to the original question and, "What is a passion?" Is it what each of said or is it more simple like hiking, cooking, reading, running, and other hobbies?


After more casual conversation and getting to know each other professionally and educationally, we dove into the Bucket of Wonderment. I did not want to have question and answer, sit in a circle, serious conversation of me or someone else facilitating questions. That seemed so boring and not the point of the evening. I wanted something different where everyone has a part, but not the pressure of coming up with their own questions and then the "Something" of Wonderment came to mind and I finally determined a bucket was best. The Bucket of Wonderment is a bucket filled with questions, both serious and fun. One pulled out a question, asked it and then each of us would answer and converse about it. Little did I know it would be so successful. 


Questions posed included: "What is one word that describes you?"; "What city should not be included on a map and why?"; "What do you look for in a mentor?"; "Who would you call to be bailed out of jail?"; "What are your barriers?"; and after that serious question, we needed something light hearted so naturally, "How important is sex to you?"


So what did we learn, in no particular order:

• Moxie
• Indecisive
• Analyzer
• Different
• Compassion
• More boss like than me
• Concrete action steps
• Encouraging women
• Teacher, Counselor
• Malcolm X
• Timing 
• Perception of others
• Desire
• Past attitude
• Yes
• Not as much
• Not now

So which is associated to which? In the upcoming weeks, I will pose one of the questions each week from the first Wine, Women & Conversation to continue the conversation, not only between those of us that attended, but amongst you too. So, yes, whether you are in Chicago, the Midwest, the U.S. or another country, comment and help make this an ongoing conversation among women.


Cheers!